Shadow of the Heart
by LoverKodomo
Summary: HieiOC one-shot. How can a mortal woman love a demon that cares nothing for her? Life is wasted on Love, running round and round in circles, with no way out.


**Wow, it's been quite awhile, hasn't it? I'm sure you all are really pissed at me for the lack of updates to my other story, but please know this is an appetizer. New chapters for "Remembering the Summer's Promise" will be coming along soon. I just can't release them just yet…**

**This, yet again, is another one-shot with Hiei! I decided to write it, since one of my loyal and addicted fans wanted to know if it was possible for Hiei to get along with somebody; no fighting, no deaths (at least, not with Hiei); just the sappy stuff. And well, here it is, though it's hardly sappy.**

**I'm afraid it's another annoying little character of mine in first POV, and I doubt you'll know her any better when you finish reading. This is the best I could come up with. So just to try imagine that YOU are the character, okay?**

**Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho. Just repeating this line helps me realize this sad truth…

* * *

I've searched for him. I truly have. I've spent most of my life searching for a shadow, a ghost, that does not seem to exist. I wonder if he is even alive now, and if all this time I've been running around in circles, deceiving myself further. 

But this isn't true. I know he is still very much alive. I can feel it. He wasn't one to give up on life just yet, no matter how strongly he seemed to wish for his death.

But even though I know he's alive… I can not locate him. He is still so very far away from me. So very far away from the woman he once loved with all his heart…. Until more important things arose, and he had to leave. And the most important thing to him was his beloved little sister. She was far more important to him than I could ever hope to be.

And at first, I was jealous of her. She, a mere ice apparition, who knew nothing of her brother, had managed to steal his heart away from me. It was all her fault that he had abandoned me! I was all alone…. For many years following his departure, I was cold, both inside and out. That icy feeling quickly became my fast friend, my only salvation. Then I decided to search for him. To try is better than to give up.

Though failure may be my only option at this point. I've grown so weak. I doubt he will recognize me, if he ever happens to see me again. After all, mortals do not live forever. And I am no exception…. Both Death and I realize that…

I snap out of my thoughts, as a new figure enters the dark pub. This one, another low class demon, comes shuffling up to the counter, his face set into a menacing scowl. It appeared something hadn't worked out for him today. Maybe a failed raid or a lost fight? Either way, he was more than ready to drown himself in alcohol.

The bartender, an even larger demon, looked down at the demon in front of him and grinned. The youkai must have been a recurring customer.

"What's wrong with you, Seiko? I know the look on your face wasn't one you were exactly born with." The bartender chuckled, and the demon Seiko glared up at him hatefully. He shifted in his seat.

"It was that damn fire demon Hiei." He snarled, and I immediately jumped to attention. This was something new. It wasn't everyday some demon walked into the bar with information that I needed. If they had any, I usually had to beat it out of them. This was an offer I just couldn't pass up. I sat quietly, pretending to finish my glass, whilst eavesdropping on the two.

"Hiei?" the bartender asked, as though he had never heard of the name before.

"Yes, Hiei. The short one from the Dark Tournament, who was foolish enough to side with humans." Seiko hissed, his fists clenching sporadically. It was obvious his frustration was mounting. I wonder if he is going to try to hit the bartender?... Oh well. He wouldn't be the first demon in this pub to use 'misplaced aggression' here.

"What about him?"

"The bastard ruined my plans. A group of thugs and I decide to raid this warehouse in the Human World, but somehow he and his little friends found out. That damn little shrimp! He killed everyone, including my brother Sakasha! I swear to God, when I find a way back there, I'm gonna beat him for the trouble he's caused! He will not get away with this!" By now, the demon Seiko was almost in tears, his rage and distress quite relevant. The bartender shook his head and handed to the furious demon a glass to lessen his ache.

"Here, drink up, man. It'll help you out."

I listened wordlessly, like a lioness hunting its chosen quarry, as the demon downed the whole glass in under a minute, setting it down calmly with a loud sigh. It seems the alcohol was quick to claim the senses.

"I think I need to gather more men, Arashi; demons that aren't cowards like the last ones. I know where that bastard stays anyway." Seiko said nonchalantly with a sigh, resting his arms on the counter as he hiccupped. Now I really had to listen to what he was saying. This was it. I couldn't afford to miss hearing what he said. He did, indeed, know the whereabouts of my shadow.

I sat forward in my seat, trying to drown out any other noises in the pub. If only it weren't so damn noisy in here! There chattering demons around me were loud enough to possibly drown out the fans in a football game!

"Yeah, the traitor thinks he's safe in the Human World, all holed up in some temple owned by the human psychic Genkai. Won't do him any good though. The psychic Genkai is an old hag now, I hear…" And I heard all that I needed to hear. By the time the demon had finished his sentence, I was already out the door and down the street.

I sighed, shaking my head to free it of the drowsiness the pub caused. I didn't realize it was that stuffy in there. Damn demons. They can be worse than humans any day…

My thoughts were quickly halted, however, as the rustling of a cloak reached my ears. I stopped as a figure dashed from the shadows around me and blocked my path. By the looks of it, it was another demon… a fox demon. I huffed and pretended not to look interested in him or my surroundings. I had no business with him; even though I made sure my eyes never once left his face. It's not that fox demons were exactly harmless; they just had the tendency to attack without warning. Not to mention they had many amazing abilities with plants…

The fox demon was young, his long red hair flowing elegantly behind him. His golden eyes never once wavered with emotion as he drew closer, coming to a halt not even three feet from me. He grinned to reveal a sharp canine, that hauntingly blank look still glimmering within his eyes. For all the world, he seemed like A Living Dead, searching the night for a helpless victim. He looked truly menacing out here in dark. I barely suppressed a shudder.

"Well, this is a rather pleasant surprise. Not often do I come across such a beautiful woman in the Makai… that is human…" the demon fox purred softly, the grin never once leaving his face. I huffed and scowled darkly, pretending to look agitated with his response. "So what? I'm sorry, but I don't have time to deal with you. Now, if you'll excuse me…" I growled lowly, warning him in advance I would attack if he tried anything. Like any cornered animal, I knew how to bare my teeth… and use them.

I glared hard at him before making to walk past him. I needed to get to the Human World, and I wasn't about to let some prick demon hold me up.

I stopped in my tracks for the second time that night at the crack of a whip. My body tensed upon instinct while my mind twisted cruelly into the thoughts of a murderer. 'So, it would appear the little fox wants someone to play with.' I thought darkly, a faint smirk gracing my lips. I don't know why the idea of fighting this demon would thrill me so, but…. whatever. I've had a stressful week, nearly got killed twice, and I really needed to vent out my frustration on someone! It was just too bad it had to be this fox demon… he was kinda cute…

I turned around slowly, my fingers playing lightly on the hilt of the katana at my side. Already they were itching to spill blood. Already they were dying to inflict pain upon my opponent. Sadly, this was a bad habit I had developed from my shadow. He lived to fight, and fought to live. And this is how I became as well….

I looked upon the face of the kitsune, his once casual and bemused expression now twisted horribly into a look of hatred and malice. His eyes were narrowed to hair slits, his lips curled tightly so both fangs protruded; a direct threat. It seemed my choice to ignore him and brush him off as unimportant, had insulted him deeply. This little battle between us would be a whole lot of fun. Not only will I see my shadow afterwards… I'll collect whatever little trinkets and weapons he has on him. Thus, typical Makai behavior.

Without warning, he struck first, flicking his wrist roughly. I quickly jumped to the side as the whip came crashing down, before drawing my sword in one fluid motion. 'Keep your guard up; let your opponent make the first move; react quickly; don't hesitate'… The early rules Hiei had taught me come flooding back, washing all other thought clean from my mind. Focus on the battle before you. Don't hesitate. Don't hesitate.

Before the fox demon had time to react, or even swing his whip back around, I leapt forward and plunged the katana clean though his chest. This was almost too easy. If he hadn't been in such close-striking distance, this fight could've lasted a little longer… How sad… A startled choked gasp was the only reply from the fox demon as he stumbled back before falling to the ground in an ungraceful heap. He was finished. I had killed him.

Just as quickly as I had struck, I sheathed my blade and turned my back. There was nothing on him worth taking. He was just as poor a soul as I. Maybe even more so. I huffed and started to walk away. The stench of blood was thick in the air, almost so much I could taste it… drown in it… I needed to get away.

But then I realized… I had made that one fatal mistake… that one mistake that would cost me my life…. I had not checked to verify the death of my opponent. I had not watched the life flee from his eyes…

I gasped as a sudden wave of nauseating pain washed over me, and my eyes quickly shot to the dagger-lie plant embedded in my side. I shifted back to the fox demon, who was still on the ground, hand outstretched. He looked upon my face and grinned wickedly. "If I die, I'm taking you with me." He choked, as his dark blood pooled around him. His body shuddered of its volition before he went still. He moved no more.

I growled before ripping the plant from my side, clenching my teeth tightly with the pain to come. And the pain did indeed come, washing me in blood and overwhelming my senses. I gasped. I didn't think it was going to hurt this bad. I've been wounded countless times before. Why did this one hurt worse? It was just a scratch….

Then I noticed an alarming fact about the fox demon's weapon; the plant was a highly toxic one, capable of producing and releasing a powerful poison once it entered the blood stream of its victim. Short to say, I was screwed.

Hissing in both frustration and fear, I ran. To my shadow, to my death. I don't know. I couldn't see where I was going. I was blinded by the tears that threatened to consume me…

* * *

"Hey Hiei, why are you always like that? Stop being a grump and play a game with us!" 

"Yes, you have been rather reticent, as of late. Is something troubling you?"

The one known as Hiei glared quietly in the direction of his two comrades, Yusuke and Kurama. He wanted to tell them what was wrong, yet, at the same time, did not. In the end, he sided with the latter. It is and was none of their business what went through his mind. They didn't need to know.

Hiei said nothing in reply and turned his attention back outside to the cool night air. Something was indeed troubling him. And what was even more frustrating, was that he couldn't discern just what it was. That alone was enough to make him moodier than usual. He sighed, his thoughts suddenly taking a stroll down memory lane.

There was a woman, a human female, he had known…. and even loved. Back then it was nothing. Back then he was still a soft little weakling. But now, the thought made him shudder. True, he still thought about her from time to time, not as frequently as he had when he left her, but still enough that the very image of her in his mind made his heart twist horribly. He quickly dispersed the thought and turned his attention to his friends.

They sat huddled together in a circle on the floor, conversing and playing an intense game of Old Maid. The fire demon couldn't help himself but to smile at the happy look on his sister's face, as she was truly enjoying the game. Though she still didn't understand many human morals or traditions, slowly over time she was learning. And having a hell of a fun time, too!

The interaction between the four teens was quickly brought to a halt at the sound of the sliding door in the main hall opening. Yukina smiled and put down her cards. "I'll go see who it is." She said. Everyone sat quietly…. Until they heard Yukina scream.

In under a second flat, everyone was on their feet and running to the door way. Only the Jaganshi beat them there first. It's no small wonder he didn't have a heart attack. I'm sure we all can imagine quite the shock he received upon noticing the cause of his sister's alarm.

* * *

I can't believe it. I just can't. I must be dreaming. Or seriously hallucinating. It's gotta be the poison. There's just no way he can be standing here in front of me, looking the exact same as he had years back then. Just how can this be? How can he not have aged a single bit? Why am I the only that suffers; the only one that changes? Why? 

My eyes quickly shot to the other three boys that raced in to the room, stopping so suddenly they nearly collided with one another. If I hadn't been feeling so drop-dead tired, I would've actually laughed at the sight. It was just too damn funny! My laughter only came out as a wavering whisper….

I blinked away the haze covering my eyes before turning my attention to my shadow. Oh… My… God… Those eyes of his. They're the only thing about him that HAS changed. I couldn't help but to shiver under the intensity of his stare. He's grown so cold. He's so very different now. These are not the eyes of my old lover. These are demon eyes. Sure, I know that's what he is, but still…. He's never looked upon me like that. EVER.

And then I felt it. The heavy feeling of disappointment weighing down on my shoulders, threatening to crush me beneath it. My chest constricted tightly with the pain and I coughed. And coughed and coughed and coughed. It felt like sand scrapping and tearing viciously at my lungs. I opened my eyes when the spasm passed, not even realizing I had closed them in the first place.

I stared deep into the glittering eyes of my lover. The shock of him suddenly being so closed startled me, and I jumped back, tripping over my heel and falling backwards. I never hit the ground. I eyed Hiei in surprise. What? Now he decides to start caring? When he hasn't cared about me for the past ten years! I frowned deeply, and for the fraction of a second… I could've sworn I saw a flicker of a smile upon his lips.

Hiei stood straight and drew me close, tightening his grip around me possessively. I sighed. It's been way too long. WAY too long. I've almost forgotten what it feels like to be held by him. I forgot how nice it was…

I moaned, as the injury in my side finally decided to make itself known, and clamped my eyes shut tight. Not now. Please. I've just found him. I can't go now. It's only been ten minutes…. My mind did its best to block out the annoying buzz as the others spoke, more than likely to me, but I wasn't listening. I was right where I needed to be, and that was all that mattered. A contented sigh escaped my lips as I fell into blissful oblivion….

Pain was the very first thing I woke up to. That and a rather vicious migraine. Damn. I haven't had one of those in a long time. Suddenly, the image of my shadow holding me close flashed before my eyes. Hiei! Oh god, I hope I'm not dead! With super human strength I had no idea I possessed, I sat up quickly… only to gasp as a tidal wave of nauseating pain bubbled from the pit of my stomach. I barely managed to force it back down. My eyes slid down to my wound, which was now wrapped heavily with bandages and a sickly sweet-smelling medical balm.

"Hn. You shouldn't be moving." came a gruff voice, which I recognized instantly as the voice of my mate. My gaze shot to his figure in the corner by the window sill, as he regarded me coolly with a detached expression. My gazed shifted higher, taking in his flawless warrior's body, his smooth ashen cheeks and finally… his eyes. I sighed in relief. He didn't look as cold now as he had earlier. I was fearful he was angry with me or something. Maybe he had expected me to die in the Makai because I was human?

I snapped out of my thoughts as he approached me, stopping beside the bed wordlessly. I stared up at him, sitting in silence that stretched on until "You're not so little anymore, ne?" Hiei whispered softly, his hard features finally softening with his tone. My lips twitched before breaking out into a smile. He was so close to me, that I could touch him. And that's exactly what I did!

Without warning and lunged forward and swiftly grabbed him about the waist, falling back and pulling him along with me. He hissed loudly to show his surprise and displeasure, and this only made me laugh. He glared in my direction and attempted to extract himself from my grip at his waist. But it was all in vain. Obviously he thought I would still be weak. He had no idea how much stronger I have become over the years. It seems he was going to have to learn this the hard way.

He growled and clenched his teeth, his hands still pulling roughly at mine to let go. I chuckled darkly. "Shhhh, you'll alert your friends. How would they view this, I wonder?" I said, and his body immediately went stiff with the horror of that possibility. It was obviously something he was not looking forward to. He huffed and relaxed somewhat in my grip, still glaring at me deadly. It was a futile gesture. I've seen glares in the Makai much more deadly than the one he was giving me now. Maybe he wasn't trying hard enough?

He shook his head. "I see you haven't changed a bit." He spoke, in a haughty arrogant tone. "You still cling to me like the little human you are." His words were intended to wound my pride, so I would lessen my grip in anger, but I knew better. These were old tactics of his. He hasn't changed at ALL. I smiled, a bit foolishly, and rested my head against his chest. "So? I'm right where I belong. And I'm not letting you go this time." I said, closing my eyes with a yawn. I could just fall asleep like this, with him in my arms. I think that's exactly what I'll do.

Hiei said nothing to confirm or deny this, and the only move he made was wrapping his arms just as tightly around me, drawing my body right up against him. He rested his head on top of mine without a word. "Goodnight, my firefly." he murmured softly, closing his eyes. He could afford a few minutes like this. I smiled. I had been so long since he had called me by that pet name. I forgot just how much I missed hearing it.

With another yawn, I slipped once more into blissful oblivion, but this time, with my shadow as well…

**The End**

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**Well, I hope this story was much to your liking. I tried my hardest, really! But now, only reviews can tell…. **


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